i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
