Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
