Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
