Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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