She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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