In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
