why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize