dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
