So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize