And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My ATM looks so different sober.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
