Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Who did Billy Mays play for?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
