You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize