I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
