I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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