well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize