he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize