I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He felt like a one man threesome
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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