he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
