Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
