butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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