You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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