We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
