mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sext me about skeletons
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
