You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
