Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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