they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
