trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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