I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Randomize
