I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
