Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
