you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
