i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
