I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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