Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
