I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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