In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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