isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
