Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
