Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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