The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
