When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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