D3 body, D1 cock
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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