We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
