it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
