We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize