I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
