party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
