Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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