I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
