There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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