Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize