The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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