I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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