If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She even gives head with a lisp.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
