Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
