his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
