I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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