I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
