If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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