My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
