even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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